deployment

My heart is heavy today as I think about my sister’s husband being deployed to the Middle East for seven months today. Josh is in the Marines and Audrey will be left with our nieces (ages almost 3 and 7 1/2 months) for seven months. Just when I start complaining about BJ getting home late or how I “can’t do it all” I’m quickly brought back to reality by this thought.

Audrey is such a strong Christian and her faith is so deep–that while I know she’s got to be dying inside I’m not worried about her not being able to get through it. It’s just good for those of us whose husbands won’t ever be deployed to be reminded to pray for those women (and men) whose spouses are or will be.

So remember these guys over the next seven months in your prayers. Aud & the girls aren’t living close to family right now so pray her church family & friends will really come along side of her (which I know they already have) and support her. Pray for Josh’s safety and for the girls while their Daddy is gone. Thanks guys!

pictures

For those of you who check my photography blog and have wondered if I was ever going to update my pictures and posts there–I have.  Check it out www.simplybyaubin.blogspot.com

just a thought

I had a wonderful thought today.  Does anyone else agree that hotmail should not just have a “spell checker” but also like a “did you mean to type dong instead of doing” checker?!?  Yes, that did happen.  Embarrassing.  Well, thank God I caught it with my eye before I emailed it or that would have been horrible.

Just a thought.

honesty of a child

You always hear about how you get total honesty from the mouth of a child. And when you have kids, it’s totally confirmed. It’s why when we’re in a store and I see my kids get that look in their eye like they’re going to ask a question I might want them to whisper, I quickly rush and say “whisper to Mommy what you’re thinking”–for example–Standing in line with Zoe & Judah at Old Navy a couple of years ago, our cashier was sort of a “Pat” if you will. Zoe is staring & staring and then just says very loudly, “Mommy, why is she a he?” Oh dear Lord. That’s just an example.

Well, we always have said Zoe is the truth teller and she is, but this little guy, he delivers truth in such a “guy” way, if you will. Straight to the point, no explaining, no taking it back. TRUTH.

So yesterday, we’re all four sitting on the couch and Judah is playing this little game with Zoe–he whispers something in my ear and Zoe gets to guess what it is. Fun enough.

First comment in my ear, sweet Judah man saying, “You’re beautiful” (which sounds like you’re beeuuuutiful)–oh he’s so precious. And to him, that is the truth, I am beautiful (not claiming I am here, but I know he believes it with all his sweet heart, my pregnant nastiness and all!!)

Zoe responds, “I know what you said. You said she’s beautiful.” “How did you know?”, says Judah. “Because you always tell her that.” More points scored for the son category for Judah.

Next, he whispers, “You’re funny.” Again, I’ll take it. If you know me well, you know I love if people think I’m funny. Thrive on it, I’m weird, whatever. This me. Unfortunately, Zoe didn’t guess this one (mental note: crack more jokes with Zoe).

And finally, the real kicker…in my ear, his sweet little precious voice says…”You’re hairy.” WHAT?!? He can notice that??? Of course, I couldn’t leave it there. I just had to ask–”why do you think Mommy’s hairy?” His response, kind of like he can’t believe I have to ask because it’s soooooo obvious, “Just look at your arms!!” I am the hairy family freak, apparently, and I didn’t even know it. I mean, come on, BJ is the hairy one.

But seriously, though, I’ve always known I’m hairy. Hairy arms, I bleach my mustache, yada yada yada. It just stung a little coming from a child. But my pride will heal. I mean, not all of us to be hairless like Chris & Aimee–lucky dogs. Thank God for product–and the not so gentle reminder that I’m nowhere near perfect

disgustingly funny

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged–sorry guys, that’s my life these days. But every once in awhile there comes a story or moment in your life where you just need someone else to see the humor in it. Hopefully someone will.

Okay, so our cat, affectionately named by BJ “Goober” was pregnant. She recently gave birth to a very deformed and dead kitten that I gagged at when I saw it (not knowing I was pregnant yet, however, I still might’ve gagged). Anyway, two days ago I look out in our camping chair and there she is, chillin, with FOUR kittens! All alive with no deformities, hallelujah. So needless to say the kids have been LOVING these kittens. Zoe has already named them all: Max, Lenny, Sam & Keeko (don’t even ask, I have NO idea).

Anyway, fast forward to this morning. The ENTIRE family is sleeping in, I’m working on homeschooling stuff and I keep smelling poop somewhere. I’ve checked out every area, flushed the toilet like four times, checked the trash. Since BJ’s asleep on the couch I’m starting to blame him for the nastiness–sorry honey, who else could it have been? Oh friends, it was someone else.

So, I go to get into the shower, and there is POOP IN THE SHOWER COVERED UP WITH A WASHCLOTH! “Zoe, Judah, get in here!” yells Daddy. “Which one of you POOPED in the shower?!” They are incessantly saying it was NOT them. He’s still waiting for the “truth” to come out. Surely, one of them will tell who did it–and then on to greater issues, “WHY did you poop in the shower?!”

But as my pregnant nose was oh so keen, I told BJ, “B, that is not human poop. It smells like cat poop.” So apparently a cat who can stay inside all night without being let out cannot do that two days after having four kittens. Bless her heart, poor Goober.

BEST part EVER: and maybe you just had to be here. I was like, um, maybe we should apologize to the kids for blaming it on them. And BJ goes, okay, yes, kids I’m sorry I blamed you. Then looking at me–”But I’M still having a hard time believing it. Our CAT pooped in the shower and tried to cover it up with a wash cloth?!” It sounds like a lie, but friends, my nose did not lie.

Dang. It just doesn’t sound as funny, but it really was. Easily entertained here, I guess.

celebration of 6

THIS is our Zigga Zoe. She turned six today! Neither BJ or I can believe we have a six year old–it’s really unbelievable. I just wanted to take a little time to brag on her since it’s her birthday (parents don’t usually get to do that without everyone thinking they think their child is perfect so I’m going for it!).

I had always wanted to have a boy first because I never had an older brother and thought that would be cool. And yet when they said Zoe was a girl I KNEW that in my heart I really had wanted a girl all along, if that makes any sense at all. I think maybe I’d just never let myself go there. She has been and continues to be such a joy to us. She’s a very sweet hearted, kind natured little girl who loves to laugh, play, create, imagine and be social! She would be gone doing something from our house everyday if she had a mom who is as social as she is (Chris Cole!). She, of course, has some traits she has to fight against–perfectionism being the top one & an intense love for television–and I quote her–”Daddy, we need to get the collection of DVD’s that children really love.” Is that great or what?

She asked Jesus into her heart when she was 4 1/2–it was one of the most precious moments of my life. She promptly began praying for her brother and sister to do the same. She prayed for her Aunt Maimee’s broken heart hours before we knew that Aimee & Jay’s baby, Micaiah, had died. There are so many more things I could add, things I’ve written down and forgotten (feel free to add them to the comment section, Aimee or Mom!). She is beyond precious to us and we cannot imagine the temperature of our home without her!

So enjoy a journey of pictures of Zoe Alison Jane, our firstborn sweetie!

Zoe Alison Jane, born August 6, 2002 6 lbs 1.9 oz., 18 inches long

could she & Judah look more different here?!

I love this picture but I can’t take credit for it–Jay’s cousin took it.

Faithful friend “Buppy” & her thumb–two pleasures still on the journey with us today!

this one’s great–this her face telling me the blackberries were not quite ready!

There you go–thanks for loving her with me!

saying goodbye

It makes me so sad to write this post–my sweet Grandpa Hamilton died yesterday morning. He was 96. Can we just stop and say 96?! He was such a wonderful man. It breaks my heart to think he is gone–but I am so thankful and grateful to God for the time I got with him and that he didn’t suffer.

Grandpa with the pen BJ’s dad made for him out of wood BJ had sent him from my Grandpa’s farm. He kept saying over & over, “Well, isn’t that something.”

Up until just a few months ago, he’s been living on his own, driving his truck. Now, you didn’t want to get behind him on the highway or it would’ve taken you triple the time to get there–but still–who gets to live such a full life for so long?

I could go on and on about all of his wonderful traits & talents.

• Dad, husband, grandpa–loving
• Farmer–the hardest worker I have ever known. Up until a few years ago he was still driving his tractor
• Gardener
• Crocheter (is that a word?!)
• Carver

I spent most of my time with my Granny & Grandpa growing up (apart from my parents of course). They lived right up the road from us my whole life. When we were there it was all about us kids. They played Skip-Bo, pool, Granny let us dress up in all of her clothing & jewelry, Grandpa would let us comb his hairs. I just have really great memories.

When BJ & I started praying about moving back to Kansas, being around my grandparents was a very big factor (at that time my Granny was still alive). I am soo thankful we moved when we did and got to spend this past year getting to know & appreciate my Grandpa more. He loved the kids so much–and BJ, too–he had BJ take him to Wal-Mart to get him new shoes! Precious. And BJ loved him. Just a few nights ago BJ took Shiloh on a whim to go down to see Grandpa one evening. It blesses my heart to know he loved him as much as I did.

My Grandpa had so many great stories. One of the neatest stories he ever told was about how when he was 8 years old he got kicked in the head by a horse. Living in such a small rural community the closest hospital was in Kansas City. So his family flagged down a train and the train took him to Kansas City to the hospital–something completely unheard of. He almost died but miraculously survived. My Great Grandma was so sure he was going to die that she saved the shirt he was wearing that day for all those years. After she passed away when my family was going through her house they pulled out that shirt and it practically disintegrated because of the blood. She didn’t want to wash it to do anything to take away from it reminding her of him–just in case. I have never heard my Grandpa tell this story without crying.

Years later as he was in WWII and about to be shipped off to fight the doctor noticed that scar on his head. He was told he wouldn’t be able to fight in the war because of that previous injury. He was devastated. However, the Lord had His hand on my Grandpa. His troop was sent to fight in a battle you might know–the Battle of the Bulge–and not many of his men ever made it back to American soil. Isn’t it amazing to think about how the Lord uses things in our lives? I am sure my Great Grandma Hamilton could’ve never imagined what good could come out of her almost losing her only child–and yet that injury saved his life further down the road.

The thing I have become most proud of as an adult is the legacy of farming my family has. My family has farmed for generations and the one thing the Lord has showed me over and over is the HONOR in this livelihood. My Grandpa referred to himself as a “country boy” but I know there is much more to the life he led than that. My Dad still lives on the piece of property that my family homesteaded back in the 1860’s before Kansas was even declared a state–how cool is that?! And I have the trunk they carried on a wagon on their move to the Kansas Territory. What a legacy!

My Granny was the sweetest person I’ve ever known. She was so giving & loving and sacrificial. When I was overseas & living away from home my Granny was so faithful to write me almost every other week to tell me the latest news and what they were up to. I just came across those letters the other day and it blessed me to reread them. She made the best rolls & gooseberry pie–two of my favorite things. She was so crafty and I know that much of the interest I have in artsy things can be attributed to all she taught me to do when we were there with her.

my beautiful Granny

My Granny & Grandpa were precious, precious people. I know everyone loses Grandparents and people much closer to them–a child, a spouse. But this is my reality right now and despite the fullness of life experienced, I am missing some amazing people I’ve been blessed to call family. I am grateful to God that He taught me to treasure my Grandparents. Grateful that years ago when the Lord got ahold of my life I had a great conversation with my Granny where I was assured of both she & my Grandpa’s salvation. I am grateful that during his final days I was able to stroke his arm and just sit in his room and give him water, and most amazingly, pray over a 96 year old precious soul. As he drank that water and it was all he wanted in the end I couldn’t help but think about the living water we receive as Christians. My soul has been refreshed over and over and over from the LIFE Jesus offers.

their wedding picture

(this is the last picture I have of the kids with Grandpa, taken in June. Shiloh is holding her favorite toy of Grandpa’s–his magnifying glass!)

I was so touched by our sweet kids loving on Grandpa. They aren’t afraid of the Nursing Home–they lovesaying hi to all the sweet people there–Grandpa, George, Madeline, Mary Ann and others they’ve befriended. As Grandpa lay there sweet Shiloh was rubbing his arm and face and he kept reaching out to her. How soothing must’ve the touch of a sweet child been in his final hours? Precious Judah chose to sit with Grandpa instead of going with the others to look at the birds because he, “wanted to stay and be with Grandpa”. He offered Grandpa a drink which he gladly took. It melted my heart. And of course Zoe was right there rubbing my back, crying with me as I prayed with Grandpa, asking the Lord to give him peace. I am constantly blessed & amazed by the fresh faith and innocence of children.

So now, BJ & I get the honor of moving into his house to rent from my Aunt & Uncle. We are beyond humbled by this–it’s truly a gift from God. To get to live in a house that holds so many sweet memories for me is an amazing blessing.

His funeral is on Monday and if you think about it, pray for us. BJ & I are singing at the funeral “Arise & Be Comforted”. And most of all, pray for my Dad–I know he’s taking it hard.

visions

That title makes it sound like this is going to be such a spiritual post. It’s not. I just had to let everyone know my crazy pregnancy dreams have returned. Most of the time, my dreams aren’t SUPER crazy, though, like there’s a little bit of them that seems so realistic. Maybe there were so many dreams last night because I was in bed around 7:00 while Milo & Otis played in the background and my three kiddos were flopping around, doing everything they could to keep themselves and me awake. Anyway, for now, here’s what we have:

• Me being EXTREMELY RUDE to BJ, yelling at him for nothing, I can still hear the cutting & biting tone of mine
• Me yelling at a girl in our youth group…AND SLAPPING HER THREE TIMES!! OH my GOSH!! This girl is so sweet, I can’t even believe I dreamt this. Seriously, I need counseling. And in my dream I remember having the thought, “Oh Aubin, now you’ve done it. You could get arrested for this.” Embarassin.
• Me frantically searching for a hospital in my ninth month, at the last minute trying to figure out where I’m going to have this baby (yes, we’re trying to find a midwife we like. I’m a little bit more nervous, now, since in my dream I was looking for a hospital, yet we’re praying about a homebirth…hmmm).
• And finally, my favorite–I’m in labor (signs are obvious)…AND THE BABY WILL NOT COME! Not like oh, come on, hold out another hour & he/she will be here. No, it is NOT coming. The bun is in the oven PERMANENTLY. Now THAT is a claustrophobic feeling, my friends. Best part of the whole story here is when I woke up I ran to the bathroom. Apparently it wasn’t labor beckoning me, but the toilet.

So, for now, there we are. I have hit the nauseous, sleepy, cranky stage. And I’m begging God for grace because I do not want to look back at this pregnancy with guilt.

Gotta go, my sweet, sweet husband made me breakfast before he left for work. Yum…egg & sausage casserole. What a man.

testimony

A friend of mine sent me the link to this testimony and I thought it was so powerful and I wanted to share. After you watch this one, if you just feel like doing more, you can watch the video of John Mark McMillan, the guy who wrote the song “How He loves us”–I was blown away by his story, too. Look at me getting all crazy, posting videos and stuff

a heavy spirit

Tonight I read about a girl I have never met. My friend, Lori, had mentioned the name Ramey to me awhile back and we talked about this young wife & mother who had cancer. Ramey went to the same school as Lori, BJ & I (and a million other of our awesome friends!)–Liberty University. It was one of those things that you think about (in regards to her being sick) and then don’t–you know what I mean? I believe I honestly must’ve just assumed God was going to heal her. God’s healing ways aren’t always like ours are they?

If you can please check out a couple of sites to know more about her: one by her husband is www.prayforramey.com and the other is on our friend Kelly’s blog. It was just one of those nights where I stared at the computer, listening to Ramey praise the Lord on a recording she’d done, and thought about the fact that she had died just yesterday.

Then when I read her son’s name…Judah. Well, my heart just broke. It’s funny how something can immediately make you feel connected to someone. I wonder for how long in my life will God prompt me to pray for her Judah because of my own Judah?? And of course, like any normal human, I started thinking about me dying, or BJ, or one of my children.

I was brought back to a conversation I had with some Kansas City Youth for Christ leaders I deeply respected and admired as Christian men. We were on the subject of death and they shared with me if they had to choose between one of them dying or their own wife, they would choose for their wife to die. I was shocked–and disgusted! How selfish?? Are you kidding me? I thought you were Godly men?! Then they went onto explain.

They were so confident of one another’s love for the other, the depth and the pain that would be felt by the losing of their spouse–they would rather their wife die and them suffer the loss of life without her than she having to go through it. Taking on the burden. Sound familiar?

That conversation years ago helped me analyze the heaviness I felt for their son, Judah, tonight. I want him to have his mommy. Not not have to learn amazing lessons through loss. To feel safe. A million other things. I started thinking of my own children. I’m not prideful–but they need me. I am their everything right now. It won’t always be this way, but it is now. I explained to Bj that as horrible as it sounds–and it does sound horrible–I would rather God take one of my children from me then have them go through the loss of losing BJ or I. Even as I’m typing it–it sounds awful. But please know my heart. And know what I wish I would’ve understood about those Godly men years ago. The desire is actually to shield them from pain, not be selfish.

And I’m thinking about God. And his Son, who came to bear our pain. God chose to watch his own son bear the burden of the world in order to save US–the world–from future pain. He, as a Father, chose the most selfless thing I could ever imagine. All because…He loves us.

He loves us, oh how he loves us, oh how he loves us, oh how he loves us.

John Mark McMillan

Does the depth of His LOVE for you resonate through your soul? Your Creator, the Author of time, He CHOSE you. He suffered. He watched His son suffer. All because He put himself aside to save a lost and dying world…all because of love.

Please take a little time to pray for Ramey’s family.  Her husband John & son Judah, 7, her parents & sister.