Parting Words: my open letter to a faithful follower on the path called “Narrow”

Dear Jon,

Well, I it’s no secret to you I’ve written and rewritten this letter to you in my mind over and over again.  And while the original plan was to hand it to you on paper (soaked in tears I’m sure!), I felt you deserved a little–no a lot–more honor than that.  So I’m publishing it on my blog.  Not because I am eloquent with my words  (or that you’ve my favorite or anything crazy like that)…but simply because it’s what I know I’m to do.  So here goes…

Tonight you’re in your college dorm, moved away from Pleasanton for the first time.  I’m guessing you’re a little scared–maybe a lot–excited, nervous, ready…a lot of emotions all in one.  And those of us left back here, well I know how I’m feeling so I can just imagine your mom & dad   But thankfully we’re all trusting in the One who knew you before you were born, who created you in the womb…remember your Mom’s prayer?  “And I thank you Lord that Johnnea is fearfully and wonderfully made?” (Ps. 139:14).  Tonight I pray that you would “Know that FULL WELL”  Did you know “full well” there is defined as “exceedingly, greatly, very, up to abundance”?

I want to say thank you for so many things…the first of that being your faithful attendance to youth group, to functions we did, etc.  Not just attendance but attendance with enthusiasm and joy.  You have truly been the joy and encouragment every youth worker dreams about having.  You have spurred BJ & I on in our discouragment, wondering if we were making a difference in anyone’s life at all.  Thank you so much for that.

Thank you for being a model of a Christian girl to our daughters—and our son.  Our girls think you hung the moon–thank you for giving merit to that.  Thank you for being modest in your dress, that I never ONCE have had to worry about our girls modeling their styles after yours.  Thank you for being the kind of woman Judah could look up to and hope to marry one day.  Thank you for babysitting them and not just watching them but truly loving them.

Thank you for fun personality.  Thank you for laughing at my jokes.  Thank you for making this 34 year old mom of five feel like she’s still alive and fun!  Thank you for making me feel loved and that my words had value to you.  Thank you for finally realizing purple is IT!

As I’ve watched you journey through high school and have known firsthand that it hasn’t been easy for you, these verses have been one close to my heart for you:

   ¹³ “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴ But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”  Matthew 7:13-14

What an honor is to count you among the “few”. 

You have not caved to peer pressure.  You have not let go of your high standards.  You have not hurt or let others down along the way.  You have shown Christ to those of us who know you and I am so proud of you for that.   

I truly believe God was showing you the narrow road in high school so that you’d know what it looked like now as you are off to college.  Your Mom’s vision of the tennis shoes lines up so right on with that.  You are being sent out, friend.  Sent out to be a bold witness for the one you serve. 

As you go, I’m praying for BRAVERY for you.  All day I haven’t been able to get Nicole Nordeman’s song “Brave” out of my head…and now I know why.  The first words always get me, “The gate is wide, the road is paved in moderation.  The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in”…but there’s nothing like the chorus, “

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave

BRAVE

Words can’t tell you how much I’m going to miss seeing your face around here but I’m counting on some sweet quality time of games and laughter when you do come home.  And the fact that your summers will be spent with us overseas–well, I find comfort in that

I love ya girl…

enjoy the song and the trip down photo memory lane–

aubin

 

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Alex

I’m not sure why I have put off writing this post for so long…I said I would do it not too long after Alex’s accident and then every time I sit down to type it all out, I don’t know, I’m just overwhelmed.  I am probably still in a state of shock, trying to grasp that this young, gorgeous, smart & active individual is now trying to recover from a severe brain injury.

I, along with my whole family, have been blown away by how many people genuinely care and are praying for her.  It’s amazing, really.  So many of you were right there, encouraging us along when Dad has his accident, and now here you are, supporting again.  Thank you.

First of all, let me just lay out the “family dynamics” for those of you who don’t know our family.  I have referred to Alex as my sister throughout this whole thing–and she is.  While technically she is my stepsister, I have long hated the word step since it seems to carry along with it negative connotations (at least in my mind). I had this fear some who knew me might not give my sadness over her accident as much merit since she isn’t my full-blooded sister, etc.  At the same time, I would never want to place myself in a situation where people think Alex & I are best friends.  We have our own kind of relationship, just not one where we talk on the phone or chat about life every day

Enter “family dynamics” chart:

Kevin with children Audrey, Adam Christian, Abby & Alex marries my mom, mother of me, Ali & Adam David.  Got it? A regular ole Brady Bunch if you will, established in 1998.  Alex was 8 years old when Mom & Kevin got married–the same age as my Zoe, and she’s the youngest of our crazy bunch.  We were two separate families, both coming into this new family with our own set of hurts.  Us as children from a divorce, them as children whose mother, Michele, had died in a car accident.  I’ll be honest in saying there were many times I felt the “step” part of our family, meaning it was hard.  Yet over time, they began to feel like siblings to me.  I cannot imagine my life without them; I feel like God has blessed me so much in this.  It’s so funny to think about–Audrey, Adam & I rode the school bus together back in the day, Aud & I cheered together! There was no way I could’ve ever known when I heard about their mom dying they would one day become family of mine.  But God has a funny way sometimes so now here we sit.

Mom was here at our house when Kevin called her to say Alex had been life flighted to Wichita following a horse accident (she was going to college @ Fort Hays, that’s why she went to Wichita).  The whole moment is such a blur; I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.  I was trying to grasp what was going on, the kids were crying, Mom rushing out the door in a panic.  It’s still so unimaginable.  I called BJ at youth group, he rushed home and said we were going to Wichita to see her.  I was literally trying to figure out what we would find out once we got there; Mom & Kevin were already on the road and still no one knew ANYTHING.  It was horrible.  We left the kids with dear friends of ours, picked up Ali & Ashley and headed out.

We heard along the way Alex had arrived at the hospital and was alive but still unconscious.  We entered into a waiting room where already so many were gathering–Obviously Kevin & Mom, Abby, Edward Lee & Laura, Alex’s rodeo coach & wife, a few friends, Aunt Patty & Uncle Glen, Kim & Tim Ohls, Robin & Lyndsey (right??)…I can’t remember who else.  Adam David left to come not long after we left Pleasanton, Adam Christian was driving from Texas, and Audrey was on a cruise with her husband so we were trying to get a hold of her.

Many of you have asked exactly what happened so here’s the short story:  Alex is on the rodeo team at Hays, she’s been riding horses for as long as I’ve known her.  She & her friend Sam had gone riding in the pasture, I think Sam said they were about 1/2 mile out.  Alex’s horse Eazy basically died out from under her (heart attack, maybe, we’re not 100% sure).  Eazy fell to the side and knocked Alex to the ground and she hit her head.  She was knocked unconscious, the horse was on her leg.  Sam could not get Alex out from underneath the horse so she road back to the arena where she got the assistant rodeo coach and they came back to Alex who was still unconscious.  I’m not sure when they called 911, Abby, etc.  I know the decision was made to not have an ambulance try to get to her because the snow had been melting and it would’ve been muddy so they called a life flight instead–such a God thing considering she needed to be taken to Wichita.

At this point, days start running into one another.  I can only speak for BJ & I personally, but we were thinking for awhile we were just waiting for her to wake up.  When we left to come back home on Tuesday sometime, she was still unconscious and we didn’t have any answers.  On Wed. morning they did her MRI and the doctors informed the family Alex had a diffuse axonal injury.  I had never even heard of that, but you can google it and find out more than you ever hoped you’d have to hear in your lifetime.  Not good.  The Lord worked it out to have some precious church members of ours to be at the hospital when the news was broken to the family.  As the time approached for the MRI results and doctors were making their rounds, I finally broke down for real for the first time.  I was in our bathroom while they kids watched TV, I had the door shut and was crying out to God, begging Him for Alex’s life to be restored.  When they relayed  the MRI results to me, I felt such deep, intense sadness but it wasn’t overpowering, either.  I am still very hopeful God will continue to restore her and use her even though the “odds” are stacked against her.

Then again, what were the odds that a man could be crucified on a cross and raised from the dead three days later??  This is the God we’re clinging to for hope and restoration of Alex.

Tonight we are hours away from being three weeks out from her injury.  She has made progress, God’s glory has abounded and yet I am so very heavy hearted.  Not because of my belief or lack of faith but for the reality of her situation right now.  I know God can do whatever He wants to do with Alex, with all of us for that matter.  But tonight, two parents are watching in agony their daughter in a helpless state.  I can relate to what they are going to as far as my mind & heart will allow but the truth is, I have never had a child in Alex’s situation and so I cannot even imagine their pain. Questions and concerns can be consuming and I’m praying Jesus will give them the strength to see them through this trial.

Tonight I have three siblings whom I love to the depths of my soul who are dealing with tragedy in their lives not for the first, but for a second time.  I am so aware of the unfairness of it all and my heart aches for them.  Yet I’m watching them cling to Jesus.  I’ve seen Adam Christian step into a role I wish I’d never had to see him in but I am so very, very proud.  He was (and is) a rock to Kevin & Mom, a voice for Alex and to all of us as to what was going on with her.

So right now I feel heavy & hopeful all in the same moment.  My thoughts & emotions are equal to our a family:  a hodge podge!

Thank you so much for your prayers for Alex.  Please, I beg you, don’t stop.  We are believing God for James 5:15 a which says, “And the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up.”

Stay updated on Alex on Facebook:  www.facebook.com/TeamAlexandra

Shiloh

I wanted to tell everyone about Shiloh’s decision to follow Jesus yesterday.  For many months now she has been talking about having Jesus in her heart.  BJ & I had not taken advantage of this by talking about it more or less but we made a note in our conversation that she was beginning to ask questions, become aware of what that meant, etc.  For the past couple of months the kids have prayed for “all the people who don’t have Jesus in their hearts”.  We’ve been asking them to get more specific recently, praying for people by name.  Even Shiloh was praying for people! And starting in January we began praying through Operation World with the kids. Shiloh has even said during school sometimes, “You know I do have Jesus in my heart.”  I wasn’t sure what to do with that information but talked with BJ about it and we just decided to wait for her to come to us.  We have never wanted our kids to feel pressured or prompted by US into following Jesus.  Zoe & Judah have prayed consistently for Shiloh & Olive to accept Christ, now adding Willow to that mix

Yesterday at church I saw her teacher start to take her downstairs.  I didn’t know why she was but I felt SO strongly the prompting of God to go and get her.  I wasn’t sure why but I just knew I needed to go talk to her.  Obviously, God knew why. Shi said she wanted to come with me into church and so I let her.  It was during our communion meditation time and she was sitting on my lap.  She asked why we had communion and I shared that with her.  Then she started to tear up and cry and said “I hope someday I can have Jesus in my heart”.  I said, “Shiloh, you can.”  Then she asked me what she had to do.  I explained to her that it’s about believing Jesus is the Son of God and how we need Him.  I led her in a sweet childlike prayer.  Afterward I said to her, “tell Mommy what else you know about Jesus.”  She said, “That He died on the cross for me.”  Sweet girl!  She ran over to tell BJ who immediately was in tears.  It was a very sweet moment.

I’m not sure if you’re struggling with wondering whether her salvation experience is “real” or not.  I know for us, we believe in the sincerity of it.  However we are well aware she will have to “work out her salvation” as she grows.  We do not in anyway consider this a  “done deal”, ticket to heaven.  But we DO believe God has been beckoning to her little heart for many months now and who are we to “hinder the little children”?? We even spoke to two different people in our church (one an elder and the other a bible study leader) who both affirmed their belief that it’s us as adults who make salvation hard.  We’re asked to “believe” not “understand”.  Annette said to me last night, “Aubin, why wouldn’t she want to know have a relationship with Jesus?  She’s grown up in a home where Jesus has been talked about since birth and modeled before her?”  That was HUGE for me~oh I pray we have modeled that.  So many times we’ve failed.  But I know Zoe & Judah were both very young and we have seen fruits in their life that their decision was real.

I also received an email this morning from our great friend & mentor Dave Cole who said, “I have every confidence that this sweet little girl has embraced Salvation!  Continue keeping the Lord before your family, God will greatly bless you all!
From the Shema/Great Commandment (see below), I am always reminded we cannot talk enough about the Lord with our Children! Keep up the great work! I look forward to a similar e-mail (at least) two more times!

Deut. 6:4-9 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.

so thanks for rejoicing with us!  Please pray for her and that we can lead her in the right way.

Hello 2011

I honestly cannot believe it’s already a new year!  to be honest, and lets face it, that’s the whole point of this blog, 2010 was one of if not THE hardest year of our marriage.  Not necessarily for us as a couple, although like any couple we had our ups and downs.  But it was just a HARD year.  We have been humbled, we’ve needed & received help, and our God has been faithful to us.  BJ had seven, yes SEVEN, teeth extracted, suffered the pain of those teeth causing him trouble and then got dry socket following both surgeries.  The spider bite literally wiped out months of my life.  Soooo frustrating (to say the least!).  Nevermind the random sting, infections, & other physical ailments I had I can’t even remember now! We had our issues with Olive,  Zoe was in for doctors tests regarding a lump behind her ear, and of course pregnancy & a new baby always spice things up a bit!  BJ actually refers to 2010 as “The Year of Affliction”!!  We are fully aware it’s not been as bad as it could’ve been, people have it so much worse.  But for us, there was some definite sifting involved!  And yet, we’re still standing.  Praise the Lord.

Everyone has their struggles, the things that God is using to draw us to Him and to refine us.  God has asked us to hand over our children, our lives, our futures, our finances and TRUST Him and have FAITH to follow Him.  Those things have required our hands to be pried open more than we thought and who knows what further prying lies ahead?  What we do know is we serve a faithful God who loves us deeply (like a hurricane!) And whatever He is leading our family into, He is preparing us in the NOW to be able to handle what is coming.

On a lighter note, best moment of 2010??  Most definitely the birth of our sweet Willow!! What would we do without her? Can’t even imagine and we’ve only known her for two months today

We’ve been blessed by God with five amazing children.  I never imagined I’d be the mom to FIVE kids and yet here we are.  And I am thrilled.

This May, BJ & I will have been married for ten years.  Unbelievable.  I still remember the first time I saw him (which involved me ignoring him due to his hotness and I was NOT going to be another girl who fell at his feet….or I was I can’t imagine life without this God fearing man.  I trust him to lead our family toward God..

I’ve started a new scrapbooking project called “Project Life” which I’m REALLY excited about.  I’m hoping to blog more…I might even finish Part 3 of this post. I don’t know if I will but here’s to hoping!

These verses are now blown up, waiting to be framed and put on our wall.  We’re believing this is a word from God for us as a family:

“I am the Lord your God, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar–the LORD of hosts is his name.  And I have put my words in your mouth and covered you in the shadow of  my hand, establishing the heavens and laying the foundations of the earth, and saying to Zion, “You are my people.” Is. 51: 15-16

Friend, are you part of his people?  I pray you are.  Once Jesus captured my heart, He’s never let me go–and He never will.  What an amazing thought–the GOD of this Universe cares about this small town girl.  He plucked me up out of the depths.  He’ll do the same for you.  Run to Him.  With everything you are.

Happy 2011.

 

 

Willow Jeanetta Rose

Willow Jeanetta Rose

8 lbs. 7 oz, 21 1/2 in. long

born Nov. 2, 2010 @ 4:43 pm

delivered at home, by her Daddy…

“For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams.”

Is. 44:3-4 ESV

The Story

I can’t figure out why I haven’t already been on here posting about Willow’s birth–the only thing I can figure is that I am still on complete SHOCK over the whole thing!

Everything about this pregnancy has been so up and down–the spider bite (do I take the steroid or not, etc., etc.), her position (head down, head sideways, etc. etc.), my iron (up/down, up/down), should we just go to the hospital or have her at home (back & forth, back & forth)…I could not wait to have this baby in my arms just so I’d know she was okay!  I had some contractions Friday night that I just knew would turn into me holding a baby–they did not.  So when I started having the same type of contractions Tuesday morning, I didn’t think I would go into labor.  But I felt like I should go ahead and tell BJ because he was working an hour away and didn’t want to press the time more than we had to.  I told him he would have to decide if he wanted to come home from work because they were so similar to Friday nights (anywhere from 10 to 12 minutes a part–we’re talking eeeaarrrly labor, the kind you don’t usually keep track of!).  He decided to come on home considering I was due (I don’t say overdue because even though my “due date” was Oct. 26th, I wasn’t exactly sure on that date and according to our midwife Willow had no signs of an overdue baby).

He got home around 10:45 or 11:00 am.  My contractions stopped about noon.  Great–I was feeling horrible that I had even called him and told him anything!  So about 1:30pm, I decided to take a nap.  I woke up with a strong contraction but was able to go back to sleep.  Then 30 minutes later, the same thing happened.  Fell back to sleep again.  20 minutes later, again.  This time I decided to tell BJ.  It was probably around 3:00 pm this time.  I started walking around, I was feeling contractions and they were getting stronger but were very irregular.  At 3:30 BJ called our midwife Cheryl to say he was pretty sure I was really in labor and then called my Mom to have her come out.  He went down to blow up the pool for our water birth and I hollered for him at 3:40 to say they were really starting to hurt (where’s my pool, my only source of pain relief???–ha!).

He put the pool in our room and started filling it (takes way to long when you really need it!).  I honestly felt like I could feel the baby move down.  I got in the tub for about three contractions when I felt like I needed to push.  He called Cheryl to see where she was and tell her I needed to push (he never once freaked out, but bless his heart).  He mentioned something to her about him telling me to not push until she got here–I started to almost cry and said “Please don’t tell me not to push!” Thankfully Cheryl said to him, “BJ, your wife knows when she’s having a baby.  If she has to push, she has to push”  Bless her. The next thing she said to BJ was, “BJ, I am not going to make it to this birth in time.  You can either call 911 and have an ambulance come or you can deliver the baby.”  He made the choice to deliver (with Cheryl walking him through things on the phone when needed).

She also told him that if I was planning on doing a water birth again, we needed to know that once the baby’s head was out, the next contraction the baby had to be out and come up out of the water or he would have to get me out of the water no matter how much pain I was in, position, etc.  In my heart, I just knew God was telling me to get out of the water; no water birth this time.  Anyone who has ever had a water birth or used water as pain relief knows this is not normal.  But God was so good to speak so clearly to me that I climbed right out.  BJ was in total shock.  I leaned by the side of our bed.

BJ called my mom in from watching the kids and said we were about to have a baby.  She called my Dad & he came up and watched the kids.  Even up to this point, my contractions were so irregular.  The last contraction before I started pushing was six minutes before.  It was just so weird!  Not saying it wasn’t painful–it was!  But just very different than any other labor, almost as if there was no transition or something (no water breaking until pushing, either).

It was so surreal, the whole thing.  I started pushing, head came out.  Next contraction here would come baby…or not.  Basically, she was stuck ( a very mild case of shoulder dystocia).  It was the weirdest thing to be pushing with everything in me and nothing was happening.  BJ had Cheryl on the phone again (they had gotten disconnected after the head came out) and I she said to me on the phone, “Aubin you have got to push the baby out”.  I could tell by her voice and BJ’s & Mom’s seriousness this was a very big deal.  Finally, after one minute and a maneuver BJ made by lifting up on her head, she came out.  4:43 pm.  It seemed like an eternity (mom & BJ said later toward the end Willow was starting to turn purple–I cannot even imagine).  She cried a little, they laid her right on my tummy and Cheryl & Melanie (her assistant) showed up at 5:07 pm.  I was very nervous when she wasn’t crying the whole time, I guess because I finally had realized what danger she could have been in but she was perfect!

We had a planned home birth.  We did not plan to have BJ deliver our little girl!  However, because we had planned a home birth, we had her birth kit there, so after about ten minutes, Cheryl walked BJ through using the cord clamps and cutting the cord (picture Mom boiling the scissors on the stove!  The whole thing is so crazy that it really happened this way!).

There are two major things I have taken away from this whole experience.  The first is that my husband is the even more amazing and wonderful in my eyes than I already thought he was.  He never once panicked, he never once let on if he was scared.  He stepped in and did what had to be done and not only that–when there was a complication–he stepped up even higher.  I never felt any fear in him delivering Willow.  I am blown away by him.

The second thing is how at every turn of this pregnancy and birth, God guided us with His loving hand.  I believe we were supposed to have a homebirth–had we planned to go to the hospital, we would’ve gone wayyyyyyyy too late because I wasn’t convinced I was really in labor.  We would’ve been in the car and I don’t think BJ could’ve delivered her with her shoulders stuck.  Also, the coolest thing to me, is how God spoke so clearly for me to get out of the water.  Her body didn’t come out the next contraction after the head and had I still be in the water…well, I don’t really want to think about it except to just praise God for His goodness.

So there’s Willow’s story!  It’s a crazy wild one for sure.  We pray her life will be one that lives up to her entry–one that trusts God, does amazing things that go against the grain, and lives a life completely abandoned to Him, no matter what!  We are a very, very blessed family.

As for her name, taken from Is. 44:3- 4

(1) Because man of himself is as the dry and barren land, he promises to moisten him with the waters of his Holy Spirit

(2)) That is, your children and posterity will increase wonderfully after their deliverance from Babylon.

Her middle name, Jeanetta, is in honor of her Aunt Aimee and her Grandma GG.  Rose is in honor of her cousin, Micaiah Rose.

The kids are absolutely in love with her.  Even Judah, who had a little cry after realizing she wasn’t a boy, has embraced her.  They are such sweet, sweet kiddos.  I love them all so much my heart could burst!!  Very special to have my Mom be there and play such an active role.  And so cool that Dad could come right on up this birth instead of like last time when Olive was born.  God has been very good to us.

Shi’s Fairy Party

Shiloh turned 4!  I can’t believe she is four years old but that’s a whole other blog post.  She wanted to have a fairy party so since she has never had a “big” party we decided to go for it.  Zoe & Judah won’t be having parties this year because it is HER year.  For me to do a party the way I like, I just can’t have everyone having parties in the same year.  Especially if this baby is born in October; then we’ll have  August (Zoe), September (Shi), October (new baby) and November (Judah) birthdays!  Poor Ollie, she’s the lone girl in March because I’m in October and BJ’s in November.

Onto the party details…a few people have asked me if I came up with the ideas on my own–well of course, I mean isn’t that what being creative is??  NOT!  I am an official idea THIEF!  Seriously, I know there are great artists out there but I’m pretty sure the only original creator is God himself.  We all get to pick & choose and make things our own, you know?  Personal opinion   Anyway, so below I’ve labeled the pictures and am giving links to where I found the ideas.

Before I go over all of the ideas, I just want to say that if you want to throw an amazing party for your child without spending much $$, it IS possible.  God gave me so many great ideas and opportunities to use what we already have and you could never tell it, you know?  For example, the backdrop and table cloth are actually the girls sheets!  Things like that amaze me about God.  He loves Shi more than we do and He wanted her to have an incredible and special party–and she did!  I just got to put it together.

1)  Pink Lemonade Cupcakes sat inside homemade cupcake holders.  The cupcake holders are soooo easy to make and inexpensive.  I found patterns here and here and ended up using the one from Skip to My Lou.   I used scrapbook paper I had already.  As for the pink lemonade cupcakes, it could be that I burnt them a little, but I don’t think many people loved them.  They looked pretty though

The flag banner is also made from scrapbook paper, sewn on vintage ric rac I had and tied onto bamboo skewers.  There are a lot of places you can find these but this is the one I kept coming back to.  FYI, I didn’t use the tutorial she has; it looked way too complicated for what I was looking for.

2) & 3) Cupcake “decorating station”.  I found the buckets in the $1 bin at Target.  Each girl got a bracelet, ring, wand (picture #8) and a cupcake to decorate.   My awesome husband put sugar and food coloring in the food processor and SURPRISE!  Cheap, homemade colored sugar, other wise known as “pixie dust”.  I found that idea here.

4) Beautiful fairies in a row!  I asked each girl to dress up and bring fairy wings if they had them; if not, we provided them.  I think they look sooo adorable.

5) Marshmallow wands and pretzel wands.  The pink “rose” looking wands were born out of leftover marshmallows & frosting and a lack of desire to sprinkle anymore!  The sprinkled marshmallow wands were supposed to be dipped in chocolate, the pretzel wands as well, but I resorted to frosting due to not having a double boiler and messing up the chocolate.  The sprinkles stuck better to the chocolate, though, so that would’ve been better.

6) Fairy bread–a total waste of bread, butter and sprinkles in my opinion.  I foolishly thought kids would love these but I don’t know if even one kid ate the bread!  Maybe if it were for breakfast but with all the other options, nope, not happening.  You can google “fairy bread” to find a bunch of sites.

7) Face painting:  I found the picture on a carnival party here. I asked my friend Carmen, who owns a mural business, if she would paint their faces and she did such an awesome job!

8 ) The magic wands–honestly, I think they turned out the very best of everything we did.  We used the tutorial I found here but we modified it a little.  We cut the stars out of foam board and the kids painted & glittered them.  BJ painted dowel rods with paint we had from the girls’ room and he cut them to about 16″.  Then he sharpened the end of each one in the pencil sharpener and pushed it into the star.  We were going to hot glue but this worked sooo much better.  I think only one star came off during the party which is way less than I had expected.  Finally, I tied ribbons on the tops of them.  I think they were so cute!  Of course, you can’t go wrong with displaying anything in a blue mason jar

9) Pin the wand on the fairy–I googled “fairy party ideas” and found it somewhere.

All the sweet girls showing their wings

Here are the websites I used to to just gather the whole “look & feel” of the party

• http://www.thestylishtot.com/2010/04/06/celebrating-with-fairies-katies-3rd-birthday/
• http://karaspartyideas.blogspot.com/2010/08/enchanted-fairy-birthday-party.html
• http://twobeestutus.blogspot.com/2010/04/blog-post.html
• http://partystartme.blogspot.com/2010/07/shabby-chic-fairy-party.html

Mostly, I am obsessed with google and researching!  Try it sometime   Happy party planning!!!

Olive update

Here are some of the details from today.  She passed her neurological exam, perfectly normal.  After hearing her history, family history, etc. he narrowed it down to seizures, heart issues, or pallid breath holding spells (also called reflex anoxic seizures–info below).  He is leaning toward the latter.  She did an EKG today and passed that, they drew blood to test for anemia (this can cause the BHS).  She has an EEG scheduled Oct. 21 (5 days before my due date!–great…)  His thoughts are that the EKG & EEG will come back negative.  COULD it be something way worse (i.e., brain tumor)?  yes, but very unlikely and he felt like the risk of an MRI was greater than the need for it–BJ & I agree.  Because her falls are always “provoked” as he called it, there is less reason to worry.  So…in the meantime, if she does it again, do what we’ve been doing by letting her lay there and her come out of it on her own.  If it stays in the same pattern, do nothing.  If the pattern changes, bring her to the ER.

My brain is fried at this point so I’m sure I’ve left something out–ask away if I have!  thank you everyone for your prayers, it means so much to us.  BJ & Aubin

Here is all of the info for those of you who want to know more)

Pallid Breath Holding Spell

About 20 percent of affected children have the pallid form of BHS in which the child turns pale. It also is called type 2, white breath-holding, reflex anoxic seizure, or pallid infantile syncope. The pallid form of BHS typically follows a frightening or painful experience.

Causes

Although the exact physiological mechanism of breath holding spells is not understood, they are an involuntary reflex caused by the interplay between the respiratory control center of the central nervous system, the autonomic nervous system, and the cardiopulmonary system.

PALLID BHS Pallid breath holding spells are unpredictable. They usually occur in response to being startled, frightened, in pain, immunized, or injured, particularly after hitting the head.
In a pallid BHS the brain sends a signal via the vagus nerve that severely slows the heart rate, leading to a temporary cessation of breathing and loss of consciousness.

Risk factors

There appears to be a genetic component to at least some breath holding spells. About 25 percent of affected children—particularly those who experience pallid BHS—have a family history of BHS or fainting.
In some cases breath holding spells may be associated with anemia (a reduced number of red blood cells) caused by an iron deficiency, although this is controversial. Treatment may decrease the number of spells in some anemic children; however, treatment with iron increases the frequency of spells in children who are not anemic.

PALLID BHS In a pallid breath holding spell a child do the following:

• gasp and the lower jaw may quiver, but there is little or no crying
• experience a slowing heart rate or the heart may even stop briefly
• turn pale
• sweat
• stop breathing
• lose muscle strength and go limp
• faint or lose consciousness
• experience muscle twitching or body stiffness while unconscious
• have a seizure

Following these responses, the child’s heart speeds up, breathing resumes on its own, and consciousness returns. The child usually recovers completely within one minute but may feel sleepy.
Seizures are much more likely with the pallid form than with the cyanotic form of BHS. Seizures during breath holding spells are more likely if breath holding lasts longer than usual. A child may vomit or urinate during a seizure.

Breath holding spells can be distinguished from epileptic seizures using the following criteria:

• BHS are provoked by an event or situation.
• BHS seizures are brief.
• Recovery from BHS is rapid.
• The change in skin color and loss of consciousness with BHS occur before any seizure-type jerking.
• With epilepsy, convulsions and muscle weakness precede the loss of skin color.
• An electroencephalogram (EEG) that records electrical activity in the brain is normal in all forms of BHS, whereas it may be abnormal with epilepsy.

If a child is anemic, iron (at 6 mg per kg [2.2 lb]) of body weight per day for at least three months) may reduce the frequency of breath-holding spells. If pallid breath holding spells are frequent and severe, a preventative anti-cholinergic medicine such as atropine sulfate may be prescribed, in consultation with a neurologist or cardiologist. The dosage is usually 0.1 mg of oral atropine three times daily. Anti-convulsive medications have no effect on breath holding spells.

Prognosis

There are no long-term effects of breath holding spells. Both types of BHS cease without treatment as the child’s brain and body develops and matures. The cyanotic form usually peaks at about two years of age and is rare past the age of five. Both types of BHS disappear by the age of four or five in about 50 percent of affected children and in 90 percent of children by the age of six.
Up to 17 percent of children with pallid BHS will experience syncope (fainting spells) as adults, usually in response to fear, injury, or emotional stress. Children with cyanotic episodes are not at a greater risk for syncope as adults.

Parental concerns

Breath holding spells can be extremely frightening for parents, siblings, and caregivers. Families need to be reassured that BHS is not a harmful or dangerous event and that no treatment is needed. It is important that caregivers understand the cause of breath holding spells and the proper response.
During a breath holding spell parents should:

• Protect children from injury and prevent their arms, legs, and head from hitting something hard or sharp.
• Lay children down on their back or side, preferably on a padded surface such as a carpeted floor; this increases blood flow to the brain and helps prevent muscle jerking.
• Check for food in the mouth if the child ate just before a spell. Parents should not try to remove the food; rather the child’s head should be turned to one side so that the food can come out on its own.
• Touch and talk to the child.
• Allow children to wake from the spell on their own.
• Time the spell with a watch.

olive

I wanted to post and let everyone who has asked or prayed  know what is going on with Olive.  Yesterday, she fell  in the kitchen and hit the back of her head on the ground.  It wasn’t a massive fall or anything.  She was crying, I picked her up and when I did, her eyes rolled back in her head and she went completely limp.  I laid her back down on the ground.  She has done this a couple of other times but it was very mild and I just thought she’d had the wind knocked out of her.  But this time, she didn’t move at all.  She just stared off and didn’t make a single peep, no movement, nothing.  I ran, called 911 and when I was getting off of the phone with the man she finally rolled over on her own and stood up and started crying.  The whole incident lasted approximately 45 seconds.  They came and checked her out and of course by the time they got here she was acting completely normal (and by that I do include waving at the ambulance that is driving in to see her!).  No signs of concussion, nothing weird at all.

Of course, now guilt is kicking in that we’ve not taken her somewhere the other times but I truly can say it was like she’d had the wind knocked out.  But this time, both BJ & I felt like God was telling us to take her somewhere.  So today, she went to her doctor who agreed that no, this is not normal.  A baby should be able to fall the distance she did and not have that sort of response.  Olive has been referred to Children’s Mercy Neurology and now we wait to hear back from them for an appt. for her.

I’m not sure what I’m thinking.  Of course, we are deeply deeply concerned.  But I also feel a peace.  Tonight the two men in our family prayed over her and I was so moved.  We’re just asking Jesus that there be a definite answer and for it to be nothing major–we’d covet your prayers along with us.  so many hurting children in this world, so many requests to lay at His feet.  And now we lay Olive…

 

Part 2

FINALLY, I am following up to my MARCH post!  What a loser I am in terms of blogging.  Oh well, better late than never.

Question #11 from my friend, Wendi (who has faced such loss; I respect her so much and humbly answer her question, knowing her road has been more difficult than I can imagine)

I have a burning question that weighs on my mind HEAVILY as I contemplate more children (and consider, coming from someone who had many difficulties getting the ones I have) First – I want to say…I really hesitated to ask for fear of being judged as not having enough Faith in God, or questioning His plan, or any other judgments…but in the end, I don’t really care what anyone thinks so I am asking! lol! (and again, this is a question I ask MYSELF all the time…just wondering YOUR thoughts b/c I have so much respect for you) Here goes: Do you ever worry that you are “pushing your luck?” For example, God had BLESSED me with 2 healthy babies already…do I dare keep asking/praying for more?

Personally, my greatest fear and battle that the Lord & I have worked to overcome has been losing one of my children–I’m sure that’s every mom’s fear. But at times it was so great that I wondered if I should’ve never become a mother and opened my heart up to such intense and deep love. To think of my life without one of them now rips me up. And you have walked that road. My fear has always been like, if right now at 7, Zoe was killed in a car accident. How could I survive??

But through my years of walking with God I have learned that this life is about bringing Him glory and doing what He wants. And that does not exempt me from tragedy or loss. Not because He is an unloving God–but because we live in a fallen world as a result of sin. And there will be a day when He makes it all right, but until then, this world is where I am.

Because my worldview is that children are a blessing—no matter what condition they are in–and if God chooses to give me a child with special needs I will say, Lord willing, okay, this is what He wants me to do. According to 1 Cor. 10:13 he wouldn’t hand me something I couldn’t handle:

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

The word temptation there is translated in the Greek to mean “adversity, affliction, trouble: sent by God and serving to test or prove one’s character, faith, holiness”.

Everything in my life is coming to me to refine me and make me more like Christ. Am I making any sense?

BUT, and there’s a but–if I had lost a child and had miscarriages, would I be so willing to put myself on the line time and time again? I am sure I would be more cautious and I am sure the Lord and I would have to go round and round and round. And where we end up, I guess we would have to see. And let me also say that there’s this great fear in me that I’m going to say all of these things and my trust in God is going to be tested.

I guess my greatest desire is that at the end of my life, I loved the Lord well and I trusted Him to love me through every hardship.

Question #12 from the Mrs. Lynnae Sullins (another woman I greatly respect who has been down a rough road of loss)

Aubin – I am approaching an anniversary of a very important nature April 10th which leads me to my question. 23 years ago I (Terry and I actually) made a very important decision about child birth and even though I am confident of your answer maybe it could help one of your readers. During a pregnancy if your doctor informs you that your baby will undoubtedly have birth defects of severe nature and suggested that aborting was an option what would you do? We made that decision to continue on and I have never once regretted it. We had an absolutely beautiful 9 hours with our little Shauna and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself had we not had that time together. She held our hands with her tiny little fingers and that will be a very treasured 9 hours. Anyway, I thought I would ask you the same question that was asked of us some 23 years ago.

I almost feel like I don’t need to respond to her question, it was just so beautifully written in her own words.  Because I believe SO STRONGLY in the value of life–even a life that doesn’t make it beyond the womb, or just a few breaths after–I believe I can say with full confidence,  BJ & I would make the decision to carry the baby until God took him/her home.  Again, I have never lost a child, never been faced with this choice.  I just pray, pray, pray that I could be as strong as Terry & Lynnae were.  I have also gleaned so much from this blog blog I read called Audrey Caroline.  Amazing perspective.

I still have to answer my mom’s big question, which really will probably be a whole testimony on how God led us to where we’re at.  It’s going to take some energy

GOOD Friday

I’m reposting a blog from Matt Maher, one of our favorite worship leaders.  He pretty much sums up Good Friday and it’s significance and the HOPE we have in suffering because of this day.

“love and marriage, love and marriage

go together like a horse and carriage

this i tell you brother

you can’t have without the other…”

What an amazing thought – you can’t have love, true love, without a marriage, and vice versa. That they are synonymous with each other – this is an interesting thought  - one that many would argue with at this point in our development as a culture and society – as marriage has become less and less dominant, we find ourselves more and more struggling with an accurate portrayal of love – and as love becomes less and less about other and more about self, it portrays an image that is distorted.

In a world where we prefer quick and easy answers and solutions, the Cross could stand out as an ideal expression of worship for us – that God dies and takes all our sins away. Without cost or desire to be sacrificial, how does it take image today? How can you have the resurrection without the cross?

Palm Sunday, and Holy week are around the corner. But we call one Friday a year “good”,. It’s the day that Jesus was nailed to a Cross for all man’s transgressions; and on that particular day, most of us now celebrate what happens two days later, on Easter. By that, i mean we don’t know how to enter into the Passion of Jesus, so we just party our way through good Friday. But Friday’s not Sunday, and Sunday’s not Friday. So why are we doing the same thing?

Why? i wonder if in our attempts to make this good Friday more “approachable”, it’s lost some of it’s meaning – and in that, we lost a gift to give to the human race – what to do with their suffering.  For it is in the midst of suffering, in the yelling at God, “Why? Where were You? How could You let this happen”…that we remember He is on the Cross in those times – suffering for us, but also suffering with us. The cross was a timeless act: once, for all, covering all of human kind as the blood of Jesus stretched out over all of human history. Jesus carried all of sin, but also in it, gave suffering meaning, because He Himself suffered.

SO when we enter to the reality of Good Friday, and allow ourselves to encounter Jesus crucified; we journey with Him into the tomb, and we rise with HIm 3 days later.

So on Easter……

we roll away the stone

we speak life into dead bones

we look at death and say, “where is your sting?”

God took death and destroyed it with death.

It was from this space of prayer that i wrote and recorded “You Were On The Cross”, and “Christ is Risen”; from a space that firmly desires and believes in the need for the Church to see Christ crucified, dead, and risen on the cross. Without it, we deprive ourselves of one of the greatest gifts God has given us: the ability to endure suffering with hope. That would be something that an unbelieving world would find hard to believe, but would want to know how to. So maybe today, while driving in your car, and you get to the “slow song”, don’t skip over it. Don’t try to avoid the silence, the darkness, the alone-ness. Instead, let God come to you there; know He is with you, and wants to lead you through it, not around it.

amen.

Matt Maher’s website