FINALLY, I am following up to my MARCH post! What a loser I am in terms of blogging. Oh well, better late than never.
Question #11 from my friend, Wendi (who has faced such loss; I respect her so much and humbly answer her question, knowing her road has been more difficult than I can imagine)
I have a burning question that weighs on my mind HEAVILY as I contemplate more children (and consider, coming from someone who had many difficulties getting the ones I have) First – I want to say…I really hesitated to ask for fear of being judged as not having enough Faith in God, or questioning His plan, or any other judgments…but in the end, I don’t really care what anyone thinks so I am asking! lol! (and again, this is a question I ask MYSELF all the time…just wondering YOUR thoughts b/c I have so much respect for you) Here goes: Do you ever worry that you are “pushing your luck?” For example, God had BLESSED me with 2 healthy babies already…do I dare keep asking/praying for more?
Personally, my greatest fear and battle that the Lord & I have worked to overcome has been losing one of my children–I’m sure that’s every mom’s fear. But at times it was so great that I wondered if I should’ve never become a mother and opened my heart up to such intense and deep love. To think of my life without one of them now rips me up. And you have walked that road. My fear has always been like, if right now at 7, Zoe was killed in a car accident. How could I survive??
But through my years of walking with God I have learned that this life is about bringing Him glory and doing what He wants. And that does not exempt me from tragedy or loss. Not because He is an unloving God–but because we live in a fallen world as a result of sin. And there will be a day when He makes it all right, but until then, this world is where I am.
Because my worldview is that children are a blessing—no matter what condition they are in–and if God chooses to give me a child with special needs I will say, Lord willing, okay, this is what He wants me to do. According to 1 Cor. 10:13 he wouldn’t hand me something I couldn’t handle:
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
The word temptation there is translated in the Greek to mean “adversity, affliction, trouble: sent by God and serving to test or prove one’s character, faith, holiness”.
Everything in my life is coming to me to refine me and make me more like Christ. Am I making any sense?
BUT, and there’s a but–if I had lost a child and had miscarriages, would I be so willing to put myself on the line time and time again? I am sure I would be more cautious and I am sure the Lord and I would have to go round and round and round. And where we end up, I guess we would have to see. And let me also say that there’s this great fear in me that I’m going to say all of these things and my trust in God is going to be tested.
I guess my greatest desire is that at the end of my life, I loved the Lord well and I trusted Him to love me through every hardship.
Question #12 from the Mrs. Lynnae Sullins (another woman I greatly respect who has been down a rough road of loss)
Aubin – I am approaching an anniversary of a very important nature April 10th which leads me to my question. 23 years ago I (Terry and I actually) made a very important decision about child birth and even though I am confident of your answer maybe it could help one of your readers. During a pregnancy if your doctor informs you that your baby will undoubtedly have birth defects of severe nature and suggested that aborting was an option what would you do? We made that decision to continue on and I have never once regretted it. We had an absolutely beautiful 9 hours with our little Shauna and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself had we not had that time together. She held our hands with her tiny little fingers and that will be a very treasured 9 hours. Anyway, I thought I would ask you the same question that was asked of us some 23 years ago.
I almost feel like I don’t need to respond to her question, it was just so beautifully written in her own words. Because I believe SO STRONGLY in the value of life–even a life that doesn’t make it beyond the womb, or just a few breaths after–I believe I can say with full confidence, BJ & I would make the decision to carry the baby until God took him/her home. Again, I have never lost a child, never been faced with this choice. I just pray, pray, pray that I could be as strong as Terry & Lynnae were. I have also gleaned so much from this blog blog I read called Audrey Caroline. Amazing perspective.
I still have to answer my mom’s big question, which really will probably be a whole testimony on how God led us to where we’re at. It’s going to take some energy 🙂